Life is not always about what we want, It’s about what we deserve.

Well hello again readers, this week has been such a hectic week for me as I am finally going to pursue my very first Bachelor Degree in University of Malaya. I have a lot documentations, payments that needed to be done. I am finally resting my buttoff so I would like to spend this precious time to blog writing!

I am sure everyone has their life goals, ambitions, and not to mention it is what they want to be since they were little.

Me too. I have life goals, ambition just like what normal people would have.

Since I was small, I’ve had always imagined myself in 20 years to come, clothed in a white coat, with a stethoscope hanging around my neck, walking around the wards, checking up on patients. That’s my dream, to be a doctor. And I decided to be one, but never really become one.

I’ve had always admired the doctors in the hospital, they looked great.

So, I studied hard, scored well in every examination but what really had changed my mind was, I wasn’t really good and fast when it comes to studying. I need a lot of time, to really understand and able to absorb the facts. And a good doctor needs to have such qualities, good and fast!

I am NOT afraid of failures. BUT Failures greatly demotivate me sometimes. Entering medical school is not a joke. It takes a whole lot of courage and motivation. Courage that makes you rise again after failures, and motivation that keeps you going forward. This actually implies to all, be it to medical students, science students, and art students etc. but I am afraid that I do not have such courage and motivation to step into a medical school.

I don’t want to risk patients’ lives because I am clumsy, not being able to come out with a proper diagnosis and with the right medication. And I would hate myself to death if someone died because of the wrong prescription being given to them. I do not have the confidence of taking my dream to another level and making it as a reality. After taking all these considerations into account, I chose to keep my desire down. Maybe it’s just not my fate to be a doctor. I am not the chosen one.

 That made me took a step back, reflected myself. What do I worth, and what my passion really is. Even though before I kept saying that becoming a doctor has always been my only desire but life is not always about what we want.

After all these months struggling with myself, thinking of the best decision on what to pursue in the university. And sometimes people just don’t have the idea of what is going with me. They do not know how much I had struggled with myself, and I was so devastated that I couldn’t accept the reality of not going into a medical school and pursuing my only dream to be a doctor.

I kept on hurting my own feelings for that. I felt really bad to my family and relatives whom held a very high expectation in me getting into a medical school. I can imagine what kind of reactions I would get after I have decided to not go for medical course. And of course, some of them would be really sarcastic and really mean.

But what I really do is for my own future, I don’t want to risk myself into something that I don’t have the confidence in. I’d rather do something that really brings the best out of me, and surely it is NOT becoming a doctor.

That is when your plan B takes action when your plan A is unsuccessful!

I decided to study Bachelor of Science (Biotechnology) in University of Malaya (the oldest university in Malaysia, ranked 146^thin 2015-2016 QS world universities rankings). And I think I have made the right decision in my life. I love to do research, I am always curious type, and this field suits my personality. It is what I have the confidence in, since I am really keen of the constant changes of the nature, and it provides to us (the future scientists) the opportunity to explore the changes, and it also enables me to work in a variety of options.

I would love to study until I get a PhD, and make most of my skills to serve the nature and the nations. And this is what I really deserveand it satisfies me knowing that I am able to stand up for what I really believe I can do. Even though along the way, there would be criticisms and hates for not being able to be what I really wanted to be since I was a kid. But I will take every of them as the platform to make myself competitive and show to the world what I really worth.

I would like to thank my parents who never give up on me. Every tear that they had shed along my bumpy journey towards the future, I’ll make sure to repay with success.

There’s another person who never leaves my side. He’s my God. The reason why I began to collect every piece of hope that is still left for me, gather them all and start building a new tower of hope. Because as long I’m in Him, I have a lively hope!

After all, life is not always about what we want, it’s about what we deserve sometimes.

Thanks for reading,

Regards.