Layers of the Lost

I could not sleep, trapped in the dark corners of my room at dawn on Sunday. My family was preparing for church service, and there I was, wondering about life and my mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. In the stillness, a powerful vision emerged, one that felt both surreal and deeply comforting: I saw a man holding a young boy's hand. In my spirit, the young boy the man was holding was me. My younger and inner self. In that moment, the Spirit whispered to my heart, reminding me of the parable of the lost sheep. This story, often recited in church, suddenly took on a profound personal meaning for me.

In the parable, Jesus tells of a shepherd who has a hundred sheep. When one goes astray, the shepherd courageously leaves the ninety-nine behind to search for the lost one. For so long, I felt like that lost sheep, wandering far from the fold. Life’s pressures—work, personal struggles, and the chaos of daily existence—had gradually pulled me away from my faith. Each day felt like a battle, and the weight of my worries began to isolate me. I found myself drifting further from the comforting presence of God, consumed by a sense of loneliness and disconnection.

As I reflected on my life, I realized that the ninety-nine sheep represent the many layers of myself that God had to sift through to reach me. Each layer—my fears, doubts, and past failures—created walls that distanced me from the love I so desperately needed. I had built these walls over time, brick by brick, to shield myself from pain, rejection, and the vulnerability that comes with opening one’s heart. I became adept at hiding my struggles, telling myself that I could manage alone.

But in that quiet moment of reflection, it dawned on me that even though I felt lost, God was tirelessly pursuing me. Just as the shepherd leaves the ninety-nine to seek the one, God was searching for me amidst the chaos of my life. He wanted to help me peel away those layers, to uncover the core of who I truly am—a beloved child, deserving of love and grace.

I remembered the times I had resisted His embrace, thinking I was too far gone to be found. Yet, in my vision, Jesus's loving gaze was a reminder that no matter how tangled my life had become, I was never beyond His reach. His love was steadfast, an invitation to return home, even when I felt unworthy of it.

This realization ignited a flicker of hope within me. I understood that God’s love is not contingent on my perfection or my ability to have it all together. It is a relentless, pursuing love that seeks me out in my darkest moments. I felt the layers beginning to lift, one by one, as I acknowledged the fears and doubts that had held me captive. In that sacred space of connection, I recognized the truth: I am not merely a lost sheep but a part of a flock cherished by a loving Shepherd. He cherishes the 99 flaws, equally, loves them because they make up who I am.  The journey back to faith would not be easy, but I took comfort in knowing that I was not alone. God was by my side, guiding me, welcoming me back to a place of belonging and unconditional love.